I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
