I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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