I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
