He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
