Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
