I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
and she was petting her beer can
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
