so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
