wat bout pragnant strippers??
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
