I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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