There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
