so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize