you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
