Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
