True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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