Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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