I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
