I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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