I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
