If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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