My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
