new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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