I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
