I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
