Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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