Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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