you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
