Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
