goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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