I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize