I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it glows. i had to have it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
