Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
