I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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