You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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