jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
