oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
