I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
