I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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