Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
