Dude my mom stole all your condoms
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
