I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
