dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
