Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize