i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize