Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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