we should wear snuggies to the strip club
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
