We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
