There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
