dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
