Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
