omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Don't EVER smell your tampon
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
