so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize