so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
