It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
