You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
