twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
