this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
