just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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