Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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