This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
