Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
