There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
