it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
