dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
